Kabul – Elite Russian Troops in Afghanistan have responded to accusations of offering bounties to Afghans for the deaths of US Military Personnel. “Is not bounty, is deadpool,” said Russian General Sergie Smetrov, a spokesman for Spetsgruppa A, the elite Russian Special Forces unit. According to Smertrov, the numbers associated to various US Military personnel do not actually reflect a bounty to be paid for their death, but rather an amount awarded to bettors if that service member were to die.

“Is all based on odds,” continued Smertrov. “If person is Marine Grunt, odds of being in combat go up, and payoff goes down. If person is supply clerk, odds of being in combat go down, and payoff goes up. Is simple game we play to pass time!”  When asked how the odds were established, and how the unit had received the names of US Personnel in theater, Smertrov responded: “If person is nosey reporter asking lots of questions odds go way up, and payoff goes way down.”