Tehran – In light of recent attacks by Israel and the United States, Iran has declared their intention to shut down the Strait of Hormuz. This provocative action is considered by many Iranian officials to be foolproof. “There is no way this can possibly go wrong,” said Defense Analyst Darius Shariati. “The West will have no choice to but bow to our will once we have deployed our naval forces and they have taken their rightful place at the bottom of the Persian Gulf, alongside the IRIS Sahand, and the IRIS Sabalan. Once the submerged fleet is united, the American Navy will feel the full wrath of Iranian military might!”

When reached for comment, US Navy Spokesman Ira Richardson said, “Well, yeah. I mean, we’ve seen this movie before and we just love the way it ends.” When asked for further clarification Richardson smirked and said “go read a book.”