North Pole – In a press release on Christmas Eve, Santa Clause has announced that he will be bypassing the USS Gettysburg this year. The Ticonderoga Class Guided Missile Cruiser was involved in a friendly fire incident that resulted in the downing a US Navy F/A-18 aircraft.

The release read in part: “Although I have an immense respect for the men and women of the United States Navy, there’s no way I’m getting within SM2 range of that ship.”

The USO, with whom Santa has partnered with since its establishment in 1941 reported that this was the first time since the Mosul incident of 2005 that a military unit was being bypassed on Christmas. BM2 Hank Arrington, a Sailor on the Gettysburg commented, “I mean, I understand, that any incident involving Santa and his Christmas Mission would have devastating global consequences. I get that. It’s just that I’d asked for a carton of Marlboro Reds and some skin mags. I was really looking forward to that.”

As of this release, Gettysburg has taken up station one hundred and sixty miles from the rest of the Truman Battle Group.