New York – As the nation prepares to enter the second year of the two-week period to ease overcrowding of medical facilities, government guidelines are being considered to further  reduce the spread of the virus. “Double masking was pretty hot for a while,” said Cade McPherson, a spokesperson for the World Health Organization. “But to be honest, we were over that pretty quickly. It turns out that subjects wearing two masks were still able to breathe and didn’t look quite ridiculous enough. Instead, we’re leaning towards a method to completely stop the transmission of covid-19. In clinical trials, subjects who wore a clear cellophane bag over their head for at least 20 minutes had a zero percent transmission rate! This is a total gamechanger!” 

“Wait, what?” responded Dallas area virologist Chase Sinclair.

*Note: Don’t put a cellophane bag over your head. That would be really, really stupid. If you decide to have a go, that’s a “you” problem. Imma be over here, not asphyxiating. Dumbass.