Hades – In an effort to get out ahead of rumors on Monday, Satan held a press conference not only denying that Tom Brady had sold his soul to the father of lies, but in fact, it was the other way around. “Ever since Super Bowl XXXVI there have been rumors circulating that Handsome Tom sold his soul to me get that win. I mean, seriously. After the September 11th Terrorist attacks, Drew Bledsoe gets run down by Mo Lewis, and this scrappy 6th round pick comes in to save the season and then take a team called the ‘Patriots’ to the Super bowl against the ‘Greatest Show on Turf?’ Are you kidding me? Hollywood can’t write this kind of drama. Hey, I lost money on that game.”

After fuming at the memory, Mephistopheles continued; “So this season, after getting dumped by the Pats? Around early December I was like ‘No Way, he’s not going to do this again.’ But there he was, taking everything and not given anything. I was getting a lot of heat for that. People just couldn’t accept that he was the greatest of all time, they just assumed that I had a role. I didn’t. In fact, back in January I appeared before Tom Terrific as an apparition of a serpent, and we did make a pact. In exchange for my soul, he said he’d hook me up with one of Gisele’s friends. I’m pretty excited about that.