Arlington, TX- Dallas’ seventh round draft pick Ben DiNucci is the next Cowboy in line to suffer a career ending injury this Sunday. DiNucci went ahead and made a reservation at Presbyterian Hospital’s Intensive Care Unit in Plano, foreseeing a possible compound fracture of the femur or maybe a broken neck. The James Madison product is under no illusion that he will finish Sunday’s contest against the Eagles. DiNucci forwarded his complete medical history and MRI to Presby’ Medical Center and has a complete surgical team standing by. Eagles’ defensive end Josh Sweat assured the Cowboy faithful that, “We won’t hurt him too badly as long as he stays off our side of the field.”

GM Jerry Jones promised that he has at least one backup signal caller who will dress for this week’s game, “We found this kid out of NAIA football powerhouse Southwestern Assemblies of God University who I am told ‘has a pretty good arm’.” Former Cowboy quarterback and CBS Football Analyst Tony Romo was asked if he would be available to fill in. He reportedly responded, “Fuck no.”