McKinney, TX – With churches everywhere moving their services to remote web broadcasting, the rush of “twice a year” Christians to live-streaming of services taxed an already strained internet infrastructure. At approximately 11:47 Eastern Daylight Time, the entire internet came to a grinding halt, as parishioners in the central time zone started logging on early, as eastern time zone worshipers were still concluding their service.

“This just goes to show you that so many of our alleged brothers and sisters in Christ can only find it in their hearts to attend church twice a year” said your judgmental Aunt. Your annoying Co-worker claimed that the Trump administration had plenty of notice to improve the digital backbone of the nationwide internet grid, while your drunken uncle was quick to point out that if we hadn’t abolished net neutrality, the whole situation would have been worse.