New York – With the most recent wave of accusations of racism in the American criminal justice system, researchers have uncovered an even more egregious form of discrimination: Sexism. “Once we realized that according to Newthink, all inequity is injustice, it didn’t take long to see that the vast majority of people incarcerated in this country were men,” said Dr. Bert Paulson, a researcher with Columbia University.  “In the United States of America, where we are all supposedly equal, 93.2% of the prison population is male. Compare that to the overall population number. Men are merely 49.1% of the population. According to our latest Newthink research, the only possibility that explains this 44.1% swing is rampant sexism perpetuated by the Matriarchy.” When asked if it were possible that men were more likely to commit crime, and therefore represent a greater percentage of the prison population, Paulson was quick to rebut. “Are you saying that all men are criminals? YOU’RE A SEXIST NAZI, DELETE YOUR ACCOUNT!” At press time we are still unable to establish what account he may have been referring to.

“Wait, what?” said Dr. Raymond Martinez of Stanford University’s Hoover Institution when reached for comment.  Reaction in the Private Prison community has been swift. “This is a clear problem, and there is only one solution: We must incarcerate as many women as possible to make up for this historic injustice,” Said Cliff Whitley, spokesmen for “Prison-to-go”, a private prison firm that specialized in cheap, expandable prison facilities that maximize profit and minimize state expense. “We’re ready to go with construction in all fifty states. We should be able to double our prison capacity within the next five years given enough of that government money. Mmmmmm, government money,” continued Whitley.