Beijing – According to reports from Chinese State News Agencies The People’s Daily and CNN, the Chinese government response to the COVID-19 Pandemic has been flawless. “This is great stuff” reported Brad Lendon as he flipped through “The Global Times”, an English language publication of the Central Government of the People’s Republic of China. “According to the benevolent leader Xi Jinping, everything is fine in China, nothing to see here. We really need to get this word out to the world!” Said Lendon as he giddily clutched his little red book. “While the US Navy is crippled with COVID-19, the People’s Liberation Army Navy is conducting peaceful, loving exercises in the Taiwan Strait.”

Commander Leonard Parks, spokesman for the US Navy’s Seventh fleet responded “Doesn’t it bother you that they are called the “People’s Liberation Army Navy? Seriously, pick one! You’re the Army, or you’re the Navy, not both.” He then pondered out loud “What on earth do they call their Marines?” before getting back to the point. “Yes, let’s take the Chinese Government, who created this situation by allowing exotic markets to remain open and unregulated, and who contributed to the global death toll by not allowing any reporting or medical investigation into the virus until it reached epidemic proportions, at their word. That’s a great idea. What the hell is wrong with you people?”