With the continued social distancing put in place due to the COVID-19 Pandemic, the National Football League has begun to adopt Social Distancing rules in order to comply with national and local guidelines. “It is fundamental that we adopt rules that will allow the league to play in the fall. If that means that players will have to remain six feet apart, then so be it” said Commissioner Roger Goodell.

“Wait, what?” Said Dallas Cowboys defensive coordinator Rod Marinelli when reached for comment. This new twist in the rules is seen by many experts to simply be a continuation of years of policies that favor the offense and encourage high scoring games that are perceived as more exciting to many fans. Expansions of the “Roughing the Passer” protections, as well as prohibitions against laying a sick hit on a defenseless receiver. “This is the same B*** S*** they did to us in the 90’s” said former San Diego Charger Safety Rodney Harrison. “That M***** F***** wasn’t defenseless when he left the huddle. It wasn’t my fault he left his feet.”