New York – As Corona Virus death counts remain drastically lower than original estimates, the Hollywood Press Corps is feeling the pinch. In order to stay relevant during this time where nobody actually cares about celebrities, the staff of the Hollywood Reporter have gone to extreme measures to grant Celebrity Status to anyone even remotely connected to the industry. “This is worse than back in 2001 when we had to run 23 separate stories on how Steve Buscemi was a New York Firefighter” Said Stephanie Pilgrim, Vice President of Celebrity Pet news at “E!”

As Pilgrim was combing through the Internet Movie Data Base, Ben Adams, a local intern asked “Hey, this Brandon Jacobi was an extra in a 1993 episode of Murphy Brown. Can we use that?” At Press time, Pilgrim was quoted as saying “YES! Call him a “Beloved Character Actor!”