Brentwood- A recent survey by the Institute for Suburban Living finds that the affluent children of celebrities are having the toughest time surviving the shelter in place orders set down by state governments. In a phone interview from her Maserati, Willow Smith, daughter of Will and Jada-Pinkett Smith, said, “I’m, like, so bored. You don’t know what it’s like to, like, be able to do literally anything you want and then, like, have it taken away.” Mom Jada said she is super proud of the way Willow, 19, is handling the lock in, “Willow is doing so well, she hasn’t smoked weed in a full three weeks and has taken up yoga. She works so hard.”

Apple Martin, daughter of Coldplay front-man Chris Martin and Oscar winner Gwyneth Paltrow, expressed, “I have it especially hard because, besides being named after a fruit, I have so much to live up to. Literally everyone in my family is a millionaire entertainer or producer!” Apple’s brother Moses chimed in, “Yeah, try being named after a prophet b****.” 

Supermodel Cindy Crawford’s son Presley Gerber, 20, is sheltering in place with mom Cindy and dad Rande Gerber. “My sister Kaia runs all over town to parties during this stupid virus and I can’t even get any new ink ‘cuz they shut down the place I go saying it’s non-essential”, cried the 20 year old. The angst-ridden post-teen recently added to his plethora of body and neck tattoos with a face tattoo that reads MISUNDERSTOOD under his right eye. He even threatened on Instagram to give out the address of his parents ocean front Malibu Beach house, “If people have a problem with my tattoo, I’ll give ‘em my address and you can come down and say it to my face!” Crawford and her husband are reportedly “thinning” their real estate portfolio to concentrate on the $7.5 million beach house. Crawford confirmed, “it’s tough out there. It’s getting real.”