Camden Yards – (FFSN) In spite of there being no games played this year, the Baltimore Orioles have fallen to five games under .500. “I don’t know how the math is even possible” said O’s Manager Brandon Hyde. “I mean, take the total… divide by 500… wait. Lemme try again.” As of press time, Hyde was in a closed door meeting with a spreadsheet, slide rule and an abacus.

In other news, television viewership has increased by 28% over this time last season as management began broadcasting video of the empty stadium.