Washington – DC An Emergency Joint Resolution in Congress has been passed, increasing NASA Funding by 1000%. Additional regulatory latitude has also been allocated to private space exploration companies Blue Origin and SpaceX. The new $20,000,000,000,000 budget was parenthetically amended to include “all of the money that we have, every last dime.” Though this is an unprecedented amount of money, which will surely have inflationary ripples through the world economy, the Sponsors of the Bill are adamant that such spending is necessary.

“We must spend whatever it takes to build a spaceship capable of flying AOC and MTG back to their home planet,” Said Representative Tom Herndon (I-MO), referring to Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-WTF), and Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-LOL) respectively. In related space news, Scientists have decoded the December 23rd Signal Detected from Proxima-Centari. The mysterious signal simply said “No takebacks, hahaha suck it.”