Washington D.C. – With the global economy nearing a standstill, environmentalists and “green economists” have finally found the answer to ensuring that the goals of the Paris Climate treaty are met. “It has become so clear in the past six weeks. Pollution has fallen across most metropolitan areas, the skies are cleaner, the water clearer, and we are nearing harmony with nature,” Said Rachael Greenbauer, an environmental advocate from Los Angeles. “All we had to do was use the government to force everyone to stop doing anything.” When asked about continuing this trend, Greenbauer replied “We’re still working on that, but we expect to reach a final solution soon.”

US Representative and Green Economist Alexandria Ocasio Cortez similarly tweeted that record low oil prices should lead to greater investment in renewable energy.

“Wait, what?” responded actual economists with a functional understanding of markets when approached for comment.