New York (DP) – During recent periods of social distancing, residents of Manhattan have reported that the views of a completely abandoned Times Square have been disturbing and traumatizing. “It’s like that Will Smith Movie where he’s all alone in the city, except for those…what were those things? Zombies? Vampires?” said local resident Daniel Salazar. I haven’t been this creeped out by Times Square since it was full of junkies and pimps back in the seventies,” he added.  “At least the Zompires wouldn’t hassle you in the middle of the afternoon for a rub-n-tug or a quick score.” He concluded.  

This Opinion was shared by Roxanne Thompson, another local resident old enough to remember the bleak hellscape that was 1977. “It’s strange, but it’s almost inviting. As if the pristine square is beckoning you to come and enjoy it. Back in the day the only thing you were invited to was a 3 way with a drag queen and a pony… of course I was coked out of my mind at the time, but that’s how I remember it anyhow.