WASHINGTON – Donald Trump has ordered – with no legal authority- the opening of churches and other houses of worship. Unnamed sources have indicated that he hopes doing so will reduce – through covid-transmission – the number of conscientious and charitable Americans who might decide, on Election Day, that Trump does not embody the values which are at the core of their respective religious traditions. What Trump failed to realize, according to experts familiar with American religious traditions, is that the segments who have truly accepted the social responsibilities consistent with most traditions believe that staying home until they do not risk spreading pathogens to vulnerable populations is the decision most consistent with their sacred texts. Advisors, when asked about this disjuncture between the responsibilities laid out by Abrahamic religions’ text and Trump’s policies indicated no knowledge of such documents and decried the disjuncture – once the meaning of the word was explained – as “fake news” and referred the correspondent to Fox and Friends.