Elizabeth, NJ – With enforcement of social distancing guidelines becoming a greater focus in cities across America, some municipal governments are turning to new measures. In Elizabeth, New Jersey, these have included small UAVs that patrol the town and admonish citizens to adjust their conduct. While city leaders maintain that such steps are necessary to protect the people from making bad choices, others complain that such methods are an authoritarian overreach by petty dictators. “This is right out of 1984” said local blacksmith Travis Lynch. Mayor Christian Bollwage defended his actions saying “that’s preposterous! George Orwell never once mentioned flying unmanned drones in that book.”

The drones have been in flight for the past week playing recordings of the Mayor encouraging the citizens with statements such as “Fear not Citizen, compliance will free us all.” And “Obedience to authority is the pathway to enlightenment.” A previous recording of “Death to the Tyrants of Eurasia!” had been replaced with a recording of “Death to the Tyrants of Eastasia!” before being deleted altogether. When told of the Crowley, LA municipality’s use of the “Purge” siren to indicate the start of a curfew, Mayor Bollwage responded “oooh, that’s a good one!”